Thursday, December 10, 2015

Bae, it's cold outside

Below: In honor of the festivities of the season, revised lyrics to a classic song* for a modern age.  His lines are in bold, hers are in red.

(I really can't stay) But, baby, it's cold outside
(I've got to go away) But, baby, it's cold outside
(I love hanging out) So glad that you came around
(Just you and me) Just sit back down, there's no hurry

(Supposed to meet my friends at the bar) You know that's just way too far
(My buddy's already texted me twice) Your hands are feeling just like ice
(So maybe I'll just call a car) Why don't you just stay right where you are
(Well maybe just one more on ice) You pick something on Spotify

(Our friends will all think)  Baby, it's bad out there
(You can sure mix a drink)  No Ubers around out there
(We've always just been...) How handy that you dropped in
(...The best of friends)   If your boys get mad you'll make amends

(My roommate's gonna roll his eyes)  Let me just turn down the lights
(I promised him this wasn't a date)  Who cares if you're a little late
(I really can't stay)  Baby don't hold out
[Both] Baby, it's cold outside

(Maybe I should go) Baby it's cold outside
(So why can't I just goBaby it's cold outside
(It suddenly seems....)   This night's been just like a dream
(....So meant to be)  What if you got a little closer to me?

(My sister's already suspicious) Gosh, your lips look delicious...
(My mom will just ask about you MORE)  Like I'm loose in the candy store
(I guess this night's just auspicious)  Boy, your lips are delicious
(Well maybe just a playlist more)  Never seen such a downpour before

(I've got to get home)  But baby you'd freeze out there
(Can I charge my phone?)  You just can't even out there
(Don't quite understand...)  I die when you hold my hand
(...This thing I feelWhy don't you stay awhile and see?

(They'll all be group texting by now) Wouldn't you rather be here right now?
(At least they will be soon enough)  You know this call just isn't that tough
(Should I not stay?)  Just quit with the holdout
[Both] Baby, it's cold
[Both] Baby, it's cold outside

Hey bae, do you still have your Netflix account?

*The above qualifies as parody and is therefore permissible fair use under the Copyright Act.  See Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc., 510 U.S. 569 (1994).  YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I KNOW WHAT'S UP.