Saturday, February 18, 2012
A Functional Adult Exercises
Liz (to Liz's body): It's sunny outside! We're going to go for a run!
Liz's body: Wooo! It's Saturday! We slept for 10 HOURS last night! Everything is wonderful!
-- two minutes later --
Liz's body: Wait, I'm sorry. This is what you meant by a run? I had forgotten what that word means.
Liz: Shut up.
Liz's body: Seriously, though, I was under the impression we didn't do this sort of thing anymore?
Liz: What are you talking about? I exercise! All the time!
Liz's body: Yeah, no... the last time we did this was when you were studying for that test. That bar thing. That was clearly just about procrastinating from studying any more about holographic wills.
Liz: No, no, that was about turning over a new leaf! Becoming a lean, mean, legal machine!
Liz's body: Nope, you gave the DISTINCT impression otherwise. You see, you did some running during your bar-prep thing. But after that, you spent six solid months eating food trucks for lunch every day and didn't move from that Aeron chair for 10 hours a day. You had clearly thrown out that terrible "running" thing along with those community property flashcards.
Liz's right glute: Creeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrnk.
Liz: I... what? What's happening?
Liz's body: And you see, I acted in reliance on that. I got comfortable with it. And that means you, bucko, are estopped from changing things.
Liz: Estopped? Where did you learn all that?
Liz's body: I was paying attention in Barbri, unlike you.
Liz's left calf: PING PING POW!
Liz: Knock it off! All of you! I'm very fit! Come on, guys!
Liz's body: I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and you will not take that away from me! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Liz's lung (just remembering asthma, and how great that is): Fzzzzzzzzzzzz fzzzzzzzzzzz fwwwwooooooopf.
Michelle Branch (via iPod shuffle): If I just BREEEEEAAAATHE...
Liz: DAMMIT, Michelle, I'm TRYING!
(Liz limps dejectedly home)